I shared a video last night on Facebook and I can’t believe the overwhelming support I’ve received.Thank you to every single person that messaged me or left me a comment. Just reading the words, ‘I understand,’ is more therapy than I can describe. Knowing that people out there understand is amazing. It makes me feel less alone.
So, what was the event that caused my crash?
Well, we had an evaluation for Cooper yesterday at an autism center. I am looking for options that will replace public education. I am pro public education in most cases but I feel in my heart that Cooper needs more than the school district can offer. And in Minnesota the options are limited.
The evaluation went well. It was fine. It is what it is.There were even some positives that came out of it. For the first time in Cooper’s life he did the evaluation with the therapist alone. The observation part. Jamie and I actually sat down for 15 minutes and had a coffee. IT WAS AMAZING. On a tough note he threw chairs and puzzles for the first part of the evaluation. I’m used to it. But seeing it in public is hard.
So, now we wait to see what options and support they can provide to us. That’s the black and white side of it.
The emotional side….the mother side…that part is way different.
Yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks that I can do every possible thing to fix my son and he will still be autistic. I can’t change the outcome of this. And the heaviness of that feels like I am on a roller coaster of emotions at times. And it causes me to question what I am doing. And how much I should be doing. It’s terrible. I feel out of control.
I am going to come out of this funk and sadness friends. It happens every couple of months for me as an autism mom. It usually springs up after an evaluation or the start of something new like kindergarten. Or a super hard event. I always get through it through . And I will this time too. I will wake up one morning and dust myself off and pull up my MAMA BEAR AUTISM ADVOCATE BIG GIRL PANTS and kick some serious ass. Because that’s what parents do. That’s what I do. That is me.
Anyhow. Thank you for sharing my journey with me!