Yesterday was a tough day for me. I was dealing with so many effects of Cooper’s disability. I spent over an hour talking to the county. I have decided to move forward with trying to get more services for Cooper. And this means confessing my whole life story to a random social worker that doesn’t know me or Cooper or sometimes anything about Autism.
Telling our story is a lot. It makes me feel trapped. Sad. Embarrassed. Like a whiner. Uncomfortable. I feel like I am begging at times. And that I appear weak. And then I feel loud and pushy. I feel aggressive. And after a phone call like that I want to either nap or bury my head in a bottle of wine. Both are never an option though.
He has developed quite a few new behaviors in the past couple of weeks that are beginning to freak me out a bit. He has started putting little objects into his mouth. We are talking game pieces, lego pieces, screws, batteries, string, tinsel or any other object that can be found on the carpet. We will walk into a room…he will see an object on the carpet…one that the untrained eye would never see…and instantly it’s in his mouth.
I am not sure how to baby proof for a 6 year old. That’s a lot to take in.
He has also started climbing cupboards and tables. On numerous occasions I will walk into a room and he is standing on top of a counter. Or even on top of a fridge. That is scary. It gives me a heart attack.
But I can’t spook him. I need to stay calm. Be relaxed. I chuckle when other people are over and Cooper does some bizarre dangerous behavior and they panic and I stay completely calm. I have too. If I spook him he will run. He will jump.
Other behaviors include an obsession with outlets, knocking over lamps, breaking mirrors, scissors, knives. Blah, blah, blah.
Here is what I have learned. The county starts caring when safety and health are a concern. And only then.
Well, I am a strong mom. I have a ‘I can do this’ attitude. I don’t need help. So in a sense I feel like I am giving up who I am when I ask for help. It’s gross. But I am waving the white flag. Sigh.
I can tell that getting more services is going to be a fight. Once that dawns on me I instantly feel exhausted.
As a parent I thought that once we got the diagnosis the rest would be easy. That is an epic misconception. A diagnosis gets you in the front door. After a 7 month wait of course. And a blood sample. And a 4 page essay on my vaginal birth.
So, more to come on that.
Also, I started a Facebook page for this blog! I have found so many great resources throughout this journey and I want to assemble them in one place and my personal facebook page is not the right spot. Click HERE to follow!