I took this video of Cooper last night. We were ‘playing’ trains. I have so many memories of setting up this train track with Cooper and thanking God that he played with something. And telling therapists that he was fine because he played with toys.
I was lying to myself. Lying to them.
I set the train track up. I put all the trains together. If one thing is off he will destroy the track and throw every single piece. There is no putting things in the trains. No stopping at the station. No pretend play.
Trains give me anxiety now.
I actually went as far as hiding the train stuff for months when we moved. But, they reappeared in the garage.
And he loves trains. And that’s all that matters in this house. So…we play trains.
This is an honest look at life inside the nonverbal autistic world.
Cooper has no patience, high frustration, head hitting and meltdowns. Every step is exhausting. The days are long.
It’s funny listening to myself doing the verbal prompts. It’s so natural now. I didn’t even know I was doing it. And no wonder I am exhausted all the time.