Cooper has a pooping problem. Or more specifically, a constipation problem. I’ve always felt that it has to do with his diet being so restricted. The kid eats right around 10 founds plus any carb type snack. I don’t believe he has eaten a vegetable since he was 9 months old. And as for fruit it’s only fresh strawberries. And trust me, I thank God that he at least eats those.
I can actually remember the last time he ate a vegetable. I remember he was 11 months or so and eating peas because he got one stuck in his belly button and I of course took a dozen pictures of it. I may have teared up as I searched for the photo. Sigh. He was so stinking cute.
Anyhow, I can’t take the pooping problems anymore. When I think about all the hard moments…difficulty eating, zero self care, nonverbal, etc….I think I am really, really struggling with the potty issues.
Cooper is a big kid. And he has adult size poop and pee. And he also doesn’t care if he sits in it. He also is constipated 75% of the time and ALWAYS has poop smears in his diaper. And it straight up smells. So I know that every single time I change his diaper there is going to be peanut butter poop on his butt. I could change him 40 times a day and there will be poop every single time. And I am defeated.
On Wednesday I got a call from Fraser in the afternoon that Cooper had a fever and I needed to pick him up early. I have a hunch that his chronic ear infections are back which means another tube surgery. I start to sweat just thinking about it.
When we got home I let him just zone out. He was absolutely exhausted from his first day of preschool in the morning and Fraser in the afternoon and of course the fever. I made dinner, Sawyer and I played, relaxed and then it was bathtime. Cooper came into the bathroom and I see that his pants are soaked. Literally dripping with pee. I am guessing that since I picked him up early from school they didn’t change his diaper. And he didn’t feel the need to tell me that he was wet.
I seriously felt sick to my stomach. He is 4 and not only can he NOT tell me that his pants are wet…he doesn’t even feel the need to tell me. And he smelled. My sweet little boy smelled like pee and poop. And I got mad.
Yes, mother of the year.
Mad that he can’t tell me. Mad that he doesn’t care. Mad that I know that smelly kids get teased and don’t have friends. And mad that I can’t make this kid use the toilet. I really can’t. It’s out of my control. Mad that I am changing a 4 year olds diaper. Mad that I am still buying diapers for him. Mad that he always smells like poop. Always.
I was flooded with emotions. I am such a freaking failure. That’s what I feel. He isn’t potty trained and I don’t know if he ever will be. It’s not even the fact that he doesn’t use the toilet. It’s the fact that he doesn’t even know the toilet exists. Or care that he is sitting in pee or poop.
Sometimes I worry that I am a horrible person. I will think these thoughts in my head about how I can’t do this anymore. There is no alternative though. I would change that kids diaper at 5 or 10 or whenever. I love him too much to let him sit in pee or poop. But I don’t have to like it. I am sick of shit.