I had a conversation with a friend this weekend about how everyone’s life looks amazing on Facebook. And how it’s all a load of shit. Nobody’s life is perfect. But nobody takes pictures of the sad moments. Or at least we don’t share them. Why would we. We don’t want the reminders. Or the questions from people about them. Or, pity.
I am sitting here looking through the pictures of Coops birthday party. He is overstimulated and extremely stressed out in most of them. I would not call it a success. And frankly, I’m glad it’s over.
As we gathered around to sing Happy Birthday I had this ‘fight or flight’ moment knowing that ‘if’ we sang the song he was going to hit himself in the head. I knew it instantly.
I didn’t want to sing that damn song but it was the only part of the birthday stuff that we were going to do. I just didn’t want my friends and family to see that part of autism. I hate it. It hurts my heart.
But we sang. And it was obviously over quickly. But is still really, really sucked.
And he hit his head and screamed the whole damn time.
So, as I picked the few pics to put on Facebook I considered putting the sad ones. Because that’s what really happened. But I didn’t. Ain’t nobody wanna see that shit. 🙂 So, I put the cute ones. No head hitting in sight.
Here are the real ones. Here is what I remember. Seeing the other happy kids and seeing Jamie hold Coopers hands so he didn’t hit himself anymore. Autism to me looks like a stressed out kid and an even more stressed out parent who is faking smiling and laughing. And I hate it.
I’ll end it like I usually do…it’s not fair.