There Is No More Hiding

Coopers quirks are showing more every day. There is no more hiding behind age. He is the size of a 4-5 year old. He’s also so loud that blending in isn’t an option either. He is ALWAYS making noise and it’s loud.

I am sitting here observing him as he watches his trains. He borders between pure joy and stress. He’s flapping and jumping and making nonstop noise. Think shrieking.

Every change to the track or train brings very obvious stress to him. To me, there is zero FUN in ‘playing’ trains with him. But, as a mom, it doesn’t matter. I gladly set it up and let him do his thing. It makes him happy. And gets him away from the tv.

As I watch him it’s so apparent that there is no more hiding.

When we go places now people know. I would say it became really obvious a month or so ago. I notice lots of looks, stares, etc. Some probably think ‘control your child.’ But the majority give me sad looks.

I remember making jokes about different things like riding the short bus. This was before we knew how serious this was. Back when it seemed like a typical developing child was still an option. It wasn’t right but it was only between Jamie and I and it felt good natured. I think joking was our way of coping.

There is no more joking. At least I don’t. Now I thank god there is a short bus out there to help us out in the fall.

What I didn’t know before Cooper is that behind every kid that has special needs is a mom just like me. And she is on a tough, difficult journey. And she’s sad that people are staring at her child. I get it now.

The other day we were pushing the boys in the stroller and Cooper was thrashing and freaking out. Sawyer sat there and smiled and waved. I looked at Jamie and I know we were thinking the same thing. “What would our lives be like if we just had Sawyer.” I would NEVER trade him for anything. He is the love of my life. But yes, life would be different.


6 thoughts on “There Is No More Hiding

  1. It sounds so scary not to be able to hide anymore. I think we all would hate for our lives to be on display, and it sounds like that is how it feels. From here on out – you are on display – and what a terrifying thought! Fortunately, I do believe that most of the people that send looks your way are sending you love and good energy as you deal with it all!

  2. I was at my middle son’s concert the other night and my Mom pointed out a kid in his class and told me how she has seen this kid before and he is an itch. Well, guess what, so is your youngest grandson. And this itchy kid actually has a behavior problem and a FT behavior assistant. My point being that it’s so easy to look and point at someone else and assume, like you said, that it’s the parents not controlling the children, rather than a problem bigger than the child and his parents that try very hard. I’ve told you a little about going to Parent Child Interactive Therapy I think? Well, it has been an amazing experience for us – learning how to discipline a child with communication and comprehension problems. It’s completely free – paid for by Patrick’s medicare. I know you have your hands full now and you are doing the best you can but maybe when you have a break, you could look into it and it can help you too? It is a commitment but it’s amazing that you can find the time when something will help the whole family! Always best wishes to you Kate and Cooper! 🙂

  3. My boy has PDD-NOS. My Pnut. He’s very small and he’s now going to be going into fourth grade. We’ve been to a lot of specialist due to health issues. His father passed before he was born. I worked with adults with different forms of autism prior, so I think that helped. So, if it helps, just enjoy him and join is. Whoop if he whoops. Be loud. After all, kids are loud and he isn’t really hurting anyone. People become more comfortable if you are comfortable.

    We laugh a lot and so should you all. Don’t wonder what you could have done for that is a road that does not exist. Hang in there.

  4. From an outsiders point of view, I LOVE seeing kids in public just like your boy. I smile so big just at the sight of it. I get so happy inside that I can’t hold it in. They’re such amazing kids and the parents deserve a smile.

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