I had a conversation over the phone with someone this morning who is very close to our situation. (This picture shows my face during the conversation.) They know the ins and the outs. And I don’t feel comfortable saying who at this point. And really, that isn’t important.
What is important is the odd things people say to me. I wouldn’t say that I am secretive about Cooper (I have a very public blog!) but I also don’t advertise it or look for advice from people outside my inner circle.
I bet once a week someone tells me a horribly tragic story about another child and then ends it with, ‘you should be thankful that isn’t you.’ Um. Yes. Trust me. I see the stories on Facebook and in blogs of other moms and dads and their kids. I see the tragedy in the world and I do thank my lucky stars daily for healthy babies. But it’s like I’m not allowed to be sad because someone else has it worse. And grieving about my situation doesn’t make me a bad person either.
Or that I should be thankful that I have Sawyer. This one isn’t fair either. Having a healthy ‘typical’ child doesn’t make having Cooper any easier. Yes, I jump for joy with every milestone Sawyer meets. But that doesn’t make the ones Cooper misses any easier.
The hardest one for me is when people tell me that I am lucky he doesn’t talk. Their kids talk non-stop so I should feel lucky I have silence. That one stings and in my opinion is below the belt.
Another hard one was the person that told us that we should prepare ourselves for the fact that Cooper might never talk or ride a bike. And that he will most likely need on-on-one care his whole life. And no this person wasn’t a medical professional or even a teacher. That one stung. I found out later she was mad at me for something not related to Cooper. Ouch. She has since taken it back.
But today, was a very odd one. Let me preface this by saying that this person loves me and Cooper very much.
Me: I said something like, “I want to give up. The days are hard. The whining is too much. Etc.”
Person: “Are you sure that you are praying enough?”
Me: “Um, er, um, well, yes, I pray every second that Cooper improves but I don’t think it is that easy.”
Person: “Well, only the Lord knows what the future holds.”
Me: Radio Silence. Then the sound of me hitting my forehead with my hand. “Yes, I guess that is true.”
Thank you. I feel a lot better now.