The Funny Things People Say.

b39a8021788aa6fac9e6a8c99dac272cI had a conversation over the phone with someone this morning who is very close to our situation. (This picture shows my face during the conversation.) They know the ins and the outs. And I don’t feel comfortable saying who at this point. And really, that isn’t important.

What is important is the odd things people say to me. I wouldn’t say that I am secretive about Cooper (I have a very public blog!) but I also don’t advertise it or look for advice from people outside my inner circle.

I bet once a week someone tells me a horribly tragic story about another child and then ends it with, ‘you should be thankful that isn’t you.’ Um. Yes. Trust me. I see the stories on Facebook and in blogs of other moms and dads and their kids. I see the tragedy in the world and I do thank my lucky stars daily for healthy babies. But it’s like I’m not allowed to be sad because someone else has it worse. And grieving about my situation doesn’t make me a bad person either.

Or that I should be thankful that I have Sawyer. This one isn’t fair either. Having a healthy ‘typical’ child doesn’t make having Cooper any easier. Yes, I jump for joy with every milestone Sawyer meets. But that doesn’t make the ones Cooper misses any easier.

The hardest one for me is when people tell me that I am lucky he doesn’t talk. Their kids talk non-stop so I should feel lucky I have silence. That one stings and in my opinion is below the belt.

Another hard one was the person that told us that we should prepare ourselves for the fact that Cooper might never talk or ride a bike. And that he will most likely need on-on-one care his whole life. And no this person wasn’t a medical professional or even a teacher. That one stung. I found out later she was mad at me for something not related to Cooper. Ouch. She has since taken it back.

But today, was a very odd one. Let me preface this by saying that this person loves me and Cooper very much.

Me: I said something like, “I want to give up. The days are hard. The whining is too much. Etc.”

Person: “Are you sure that you are praying enough?”

Me: “Um, er, um, well, yes, I pray every second that Cooper improves but I don’t think it is that easy.”

Person: “Well, only the Lord knows what the future holds.”

Me: Radio Silence. Then the sound of me hitting my forehead with my hand. “Yes, I guess that is true.”

Thank you. I feel a lot better now.




11 thoughts on “The Funny Things People Say.

  1. Uhhhh…all I can say is I’m sorry! Prayer helps us get THROUGH a situation but it’s not a magic fixer of all things! I prayed for Sophie…that God would put the right people in our lives to help her get where she needed to be. I never prayed that it would just all get better at once. Because it won’t! I prayed for strength…I prayed I would be what she needed…those are the kinds of prayers that make a difference! Sorry someone said that to you, and doubted that you were doing ALL THAT YOU CAN! Because clearly you ARE!! Gracious.

  2. E.X.A.C.T.L.Y! I don’t know talk to much people about my son either, and mainly because i Don’t want to hear any of the things you just stated. And, yes, prayer is the worst. I pray daily, and maybe I am praying for the wrong things at times. (Forgive me I am human…)but I don’t feel like prayer is just suddenly going to fix it. Like, hello, I know a momma who prayed daily her little girl would be cured of cancer, and she never was 😦 Trust me, I am praying, but I also have to have a back up plan in place to when prayer just won’t fix it. And the other one that gets to me is “he will talk when he is ready!” Yeah, thanks, I have heard that before….

  3. I have heard all these and more. Usually it is because people want to show they care but don’t know how to put that into words. So it comes out all wrong. Pray for them.
    It is ok to cry. It is ok to be sad. But it’s also ok to laugh too and hope. Because Cooper is simply amazing for who he is and I pray that he continues to touch many lives and that God puts the right people into your life to support you and him and they have inspired Godly ways into his life to increase his development in every area above and beyond what you could ever dream or imagine. I have read a few of your blogs and see such hope for your little one. God knows your battles and he cares deeply about them. Abundant blessings on you and your family x

  4. Ugh…I totally relate! Why aren’t we allowed to feel sad just because our baby could have it worse?!? I HATE that. Just because it could be worse, doesn’t mean it’s easy and doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel sad or overwhelmed.

  5. I think people just feel like they need to say something, for whatever reason. The one that hurts me is I knew a kid that didn’t talk until they were X and now they are a doctor, etc. That is not going to happen. Just listen. That’s why I’m telling you. I trust you enough to share my pain. I know people mean well but really….

    • EXACTLY. You took the words out of my mouth. They do mean well but I just want them to listen. Cry with me. Be sad with me. I don’t need you to fix it or give me tips or whatever. Just be there. I think it is human nature to want to fix things though. But this can’t be fixed like that. I love that you get it Claire!

  6. Oh God. Someone gave you the f’ing karma speech. There are various versions of this speech, but Christians love this one: “Pray more and sin less and everything will be fine.” I wrote a whole post on this from the perspective of being a disabled mom with my disabled son…karma is not our friend. Unfortunately I’ve lost my faith, but I hope the same doesn’t happen to you. I hope it’s ok I post links here…if not please tell me and I won’t anymore. My Karma post:

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