I made the appointment with the developmental pediatrician. CHECK. Being ok with the 8 month waiting list. CHECK.
I spoke with the early childhood screening woman and found out that because Cooper was part of the Help Me Grow program (early intervention) he can’t be screened until he is 3 years 6 months. And they don’t do screenings in the summer so he can’t technically be screened until the fall. Which means no developmental preschool. I explained the situation to her and let her know that this is unacceptable and she said she would speak with her boss about. Cue freak out. CHECK.
I learned a bit about the Pacer program. They help parents advocate for their kids within the school district. I don’t want to make any more phone calls or do any more evaluations. Laying head on desk in exhaustion. CHECK.
And lastly I called and did a 45 minute intake with an Autism clinic. I didn’t want too. But I did it anyways. I did it because Cooper is 3 years and 3 months and he has no words. And I realized that my baby might never talk. (I have this realization every few weeks or so). And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am on the waiting list. CHECK
I told them all about Cooper’s delays. All about his quirks and his challenges. And I think I started to turn invisible.
I can’t run away from this. I can’t hide from this. And I certainly can’t beg, bargain or fight my way out of this. It’s so freaking real that it takes my breath away. But the trick is to just keep breathing. Because I have to go home now and play with my kiddos. And smile. And pretend that it is all going to be alright.