Baby Book Guilt

Cooper in bed 2I am a very sentimental person. Always have been always will. (Sorry hubs, not going to change!) I take way too many pictures and keep way to many souvenirs. I am a sucker for mushy lovey dovey stuff. So I have been feeling like a real slacker lately because I am way behind on Sawyer’s baby book. Heck, I am even behind on developing pictures. And this is so not me.

I’d like to blame it on the fact that I have two extremely active kids, a busy job, a full life, etc. But honestly, that’s not the reason why.

I loved doing Cooper’s baby book. I put so much time into it. Every page is filled out and I included all the cute things he’s done as well as pictures. I even kept it out for the longest time so I could fill in stuff as it happened. And then I started to notice that all the milestones had to do with talking. Up until age 2 I was ok with it. I knew in my heart the words were coming so I just kept waiting. And then Cooper turned 2 and I had Sawyer and the whole language delay blew up in my face. I had to put his baby book away. I just couldn’t bear to look at it.

Baby book

I was cleaning out Sawyer’s closet this past weekend and I stumbled upon his baby book. I pulled it out and paged through it. Almost all of the pages are empty. I know in my heart that I need to start working on it. Sawyer is babbling and talking and I am so thankful and happy and I want to remember and document every second of it.

But, wow, is it hard to hear my 1 year old say things that my 3 year old can’t. It actually hurts. Like physical pain. And the anger. It’s indescribable. And I’m not angry in anyway at Sawyer or Cooper. Just angry at the situation. I need to remind myself that I can’t put Sawyer’s life on pause. He is his own person too. And he’s smart and bright and it’s not fair to him if I ignore it.

And you can bet your ass that when Cooper says his first word, says the ABC’s and sings his first song I am going to be one proud mama. And I am going to be a sobbing mess as I write the dates in his book. And most likely shouting “my son said his first word” from a rooftop!


3 thoughts on “Baby Book Guilt

  1. Just keep your head up. My son will be 3 in September and hasn’t spoken. He signs. I want more than anything for him to start talking but I’ve also drives its okay if he never does because he is learning to sign so I will always be able to communicate with him. And I know that he can understand me. I know this isn’t helpful, but it could be so much worse than not talking on time. You have two beautiful smart little boys. And you are being a wonderful caring nurturing mother. That’s all anybody can ask.

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