What If My Son Never Talks?

Cooper new hatI tell myself on a daily basis that Cooper might not talk. I have too…for me. (This is one of my freak out posts.)

I am pretty sure it is a defense mechanism. I have even started saying it to my parents. It’s like I almost need to shock them or something. But not to be mean or hurtful. I need them to get it.

I need them to understand that this is really, really serious. On a scale of 1 to Oh My God this is Oh My God plus one. This isn’t a speech delay. This isn’t a little boy that doesn’t want to talk. This is a little boy who might never be able to speak.

We might never hear his voice. He might never say I love you or mom or Sawyer.

Cooper will make one noise and my mom will inevitably say, “see Katie, he is going to be fine.” And then I get mad. Or my dad will say, “if he could just get one word out it will all start to come.”

They don’t understand that he can’t talk. I want to scream it even as I type this. Cooper can’t talk and he might not ever be able too. There. I said it.

My heart is broken because my son might never talk. His life will most likely be different. It will be hard. It will be a challenge. He isn’t fine. I’m not fine. Why don’t they get it.

My husband says that I need to stop doing to myself but I can’t stop. I have to be prepared for the worst. I have to be prepared for the teasing and bullying. For the never-ending appointments. For the tears and loneliness because other kids won’t play with him because he is different. For the way it will change me and change my marriage. I need to prepare.  If I am prepared I can tackle it better.

I just need someone to do the worrying for me for a while. Just give me a break from all this.

Ok, enough sadness. As my mother says, “why get sad…you just have to get glad again!”


8 thoughts on “What If My Son Never Talks?

  1. Oh mama, big hugs – allow yourself to feel your way through the grief and anger or it will swallow you whole. I’m sorry your family don’t get it, mine don’t either but 6 years in to our journey with Mercedes they’re starting to realise just how big a deal her hearing loss and ear disease is.
    Hang in there, regardless of whether Cooper ever talks or not, he knows he is wrapped in your love and ultimately that’s what matters most.

  2. Expressing your feelings is always a good thing. But even if he never learns to talk, you will still be able to communicate with him. Do you do sign language? Think of how much stronger your bond will be with him when you are communicating in a language not everyone can understand? I know… That doesn’t make it easy… He will be different. His life will be hard. But we all have our troubles in life. And at the time we are facing them, we often think it couldn’t be harder for anybody else and that nobody else could possibly endure what we have. He will be a strong little boy, but he needs the love, support, guidance, and strength of his parents to stay strong. I am not in the same boat but my son has Down syndrome so I understand the fear of him having a hard life and being different. It will be okay.

    • Thanks for the comment. We have taught Cooper ‘some’ baby sign language. I would say he know 10 or so signs. I think we will definitely go that route if the language doesn’t start coming. Cooper has some hand strength issues so it is very hard for him to do different movements with his hands. Meaning, cookie or ball both look the same. Thank you for understanding. It means a lot to me!

  3. Pingback: The Right Side of Age 4 | findingcoopersvoice

  4. One way to build speech and language is to augment his communication and this will help him feel empowered. Sign language is good but also Pecs. My son used “I want….” Strips and we took pictures of tons of stuff in the house and taught him to point to get things as a start. Ask his SLP about this because most REALLY believe in this especially to ready kids for kindergarten.

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