Once the hearing debacle was over we were back at square one. I actually thought we were worse off. I’m not a debbie downer but we still had no good reason as to why Cooper wasn’t talking. I would like to call this phase our ‘do it all’ phase.
Cooper was receiving speech therapy services 2 times a week at our local hospital and also receiving a visit once a week from the school district. During this time I felt really paralyzed about what to do. I didn’t know who to talk too. I just needed someone to tell me what to do. Should Cooper have more speech services? Should I be going to specialists? Just tell me!!
At this point only one thing was obvious…Cooper did not want to talk. He had no desire. He wasn’t mimicking. He wasn’t even trying too. And that’s the part I understood the least. Let’s say his mouth didn’t work. Maybe he had a muscle disorder or whatever. We did he not still have a word for things? Like, mama. Wouldn’t he at least have a sound that he made for mama? Or dog. Or brother. Or Thomas The Train. There was no babbling. All sounds were higher pitched like whining.
Our speech therapist at the hospital was amazing with Cooper. He loved her. And that made a huge difference. Cooper wasn’t afraid to go see her and really enjoyed himself when they were together.
During one of his first appointments, his therapist let us know that she saw some physical delays in Cooper as well. When he pointed he used his whole hand. He still sat in the ‘W’. He didn’t have a dominant hand. She also noticed that he fell a lot and didn’t seem to understand his body movements.
So off we went for an OT evaluation. I was starting to get the feeling that we were at the bottom of the mountain and the top was getting farther away.
I can’t even tell who how exhausted I had become. I felt like my only job was to drive Cooper to and from appointments. I was always hold my breath because I didn’t know what was going to happen at each appointment. Would Cooper be good? Would he participate? Would we get a diagnosis? I started to describe myself as an open nerve. I felt like so exposed.
And during this whole time I had a newborn. A perfect, little angel that just wanted to nurse and be snuggled. At times I even became resentful of Cooper’s needs because I just wanted to be with my baby at home. And not sitting in another waiting room.
I contemplated quitting all services and waiting until Cooper was ready. Again, I just needed someone to tell me what to do.