Please Let This Be Our Year

SuperCooperThis is a hard post to write but I need to do it. I need to know there are other moms out there who feel like I do. I love my son. I love every single thing about him. He is my life. But there are moments when I would give anything for him to change.

Having a child who doesn’t talk is really, really lonely. There are no ‘mama’s or I love you’s.’  There are no ‘why’s or ‘I do its.’ The car ride home from daycare is the loneliest part of my day. I want him to talk to me. To tell me what he did. Anything. Meal time is sad. Going to bed is sad. Yes, I get kisses. I get hugs. I get snuggles. But I want to laugh with him. I want to know what he is thinking. What does he love? What does his voice sound like.

Think about all the cute things children say. I want Cooper to do that. I am so jealous that sometimes I think it is going to make me explode. I feel like we are missing out on so much. I am resentful of my friends who have perfectly normal kids. I’ve said this before…this has changed me. I’m just so sad.

It’s his birthday tomorrow. He is going to be 3. I thought for sure things would be different at 3. I have known for a long time that speech is our new normal. But I thought for sure he would have a word. Just one. I thought I would have more hope.

I feel like I have been holding my breath for 3 years. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting for the other ball to drop. What’s next? Honestly, what else can you throw at us? Just please God let him talk. Please.

Tomorrow we are going to celebrate like crazy people! Our perfect son is turning 3. I won’t be sad. Or angry or jealous. I am going to enjoy him and love him. And pray to God that this is our year.

 

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6 thoughts on “Please Let This Be Our Year

  1. I have commented a few times on your blog and I think it because I feel like this was me 2 years ago. My son is 5 and in kindergarten. He said his first word at 3 years old we were sitting in McDonalds and he saw a mom with a baby and said BABY. I just sobbed. I had never heard mama before or anything. He continued to go to speech therapy till this year now he goes once a month in school just to chart progress. I hope and pray that happens for your son.

    • I love your comment. Thank you. Knowing that someone can relate means so much to me. It’s very lonely. I LOVE that he said baby!!! Did you almost die???!? I would. I can’t wait for Cooper to talk. This 3 year milestone is very bittersweet for me.

      • It was a wonderful moment that I thought was never going to happen. I also have a godson that has Apraxia so it is a tough road. Waiting for that first word it hard. I have an older daughter that said thank you for all her gifts at her 1st birthday so really hard. Good luck to you. Email if you ever want to. I am in MN also. I had my son in birth to 3 services and he went to school at age 3 and 4 for speech and preschool.
        lundquistclan@yahoo.com

  2. Just found your story last week…. and read your “hope” for a better year. I am sending positive vibes your way. Keep blogging… some how, some way, I believe good karma will enter Cooper’s life and open up new opportunities. I strongly believe this. Happy Birthday, little cutie pie.

  3. Hello there! Just wanted to leave a comment to say hello 🙂 I am sure all these posts are difficult for you to write but I hope that you will be able to find some support in the world of blogging. My child is extremely spirited and temperamental and on some nights I have sat in front of the computer desperately googling for answers as well. I don’t think I can empathize entirely with what you are going through but definitely can understand. Hang in there! And Happy birthday little cooper!

    • Hi there. Thanks for the comment! Dr Google is scary stuff!! In the short time I have been blogging I have already started I have some relief. It is so great to write how I feel and know there are other moms that have similar feelings.

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